Not Her
by haeseul
Summary: Marinette should've known. It was obvious right from the start, but she didn't listen. They both love the masked hero that saves Paris, exudes unimaginable confidence, and seems like a Parisian girl with no significant problems in her life. Point is, none of them love the real her.


The world was silent–completely still. Unlike the other days when busy Parisians ran amok in hopes of not being late for work, a date, or some other significant business they had to attend to, today's wind carried nothing but peace and quiet.

Marinette found it rather satirical.

On a day like this, she expected heavy rain to fall, so she can bask in the excellence of rejection and the feelings of despair it brought with it. The rain would be doing her a favor. She could hide her tears and let the chilly rain soak her body. The cold would help her skin forget the warmth of his figure, the desperation in his voice, and the way his eyes took in her features and saw _her_. Just her. Plain old Marinette.

But rainy days reminded her of why she felt such strong feelings for him in the first place. The brief feeling of his fingertips brushing against hers was carved into her mind to commemorate the day she fell for him and his unusual kindness towards her when he was practically supposed to be another one of Chloe's minions.

It was the first time Marinette had developed feelings for someone, and unknowingly, that day became the countdown to when she would get her heart broken. She just didn't know it yet.

Through the early parts of her life, she only ever uttered the word 'love' around her parents or when her and Alya first became friends and shared all of the things they adored with one another. She was never in love before, but seeing him come up to her that day and offer her his umbrella, she could've sworn that the butterflies in her stomach was a sign of her affections for the blonde boy.

And yet, the emotion she thought was so beautiful pervaded through her body and exposed her unconfident self to the hope of him looking her way. She was new to this foreign feeling.

There was never a time in her life she hoped to do better or be better. She never relied on fate itself to determine what would happen to her. If she wanted to do something, then she would put her all in it and remember not to be disappointed with the outcome. In the end, all that mattered was that she did her very best.

What had she ever done to make Adrien look her way, though? She only hoped he would suddenly become curious about her and eventually fall in love with her due to the things he's learned about her or more like the words she barely managed to say to him when she had the chance. No wonder she was so disappointed. She didn't do anything, and instead sat back waiting, hoping for something that will never come.

Regardless of him breaking her heart, she doesn't hate him. He's been nothing but kind to her despite her being a stuttering mess around him. Heck, even his rejection had been gentle, and while she would be eternally grateful to him for considering their friendship above everything else, his rejection had hit her harder than all those times Chloe tormented her.

Why?

It's because Adrien slash Chat Noir has feelings for Ladybug. They both love the masked hero that saves Paris, exudes unimaginable confidence, and seems like a Parisian girl with no significant problems in her life.

Point is, none of them love the real her.

Neither Adrien nor Chat Noir fell in love with the klutz who stays stuck to the floor as if she's glued onto it; the girl who often daydreams in class and unconsciously draws the handsome blonde boy that sits in front of her or her pun-loving partner; the girl who can't even form a coherent sentence around the boy of her dreams but turned down that same boy's advances with his mask on; the girl who lets herself fall victim to Chloe's bullying; the girl who refused to be the hero that she is today.

But can she blame him? What is there to like about her civilian identity? In spite of all the lectures Tikki has given her to convince her that with or without the mask she's still Ladybug, Marinette doesn't believe her. In comparison to Ladybug, Marinette is nothing but a girl with the heavy responsibilities of being a hero bearing on her shoulders.

Basically, she's Ladybug in name only while Chat and Adrien are the same.

Chat was naturally kindhearted. During akuma battles, he would do all he could to protect her. Chat even went far as to risk his life on multiple occasions just for her safety.

Adrien, on the other hand, regularly retorted to what Miss Bustier says during class with his own puns, then moments later he would laugh to himself. Not only that but oftentimes when he's conversing with Nino, Marinette would overhear the two talking about his Ladybug collection.

At the time, she laughed it off because back then, her heart began to waver because of Chat.

Oh, the irony.

She fell for both sides of the same boy.

Marinette should've felt giddy knowing that the two boys who claimed her heart were the same person. She really should've, but the realization eventually dawned on her.

While, Marinette saw the Chat Noir in Adrien as well as the Adrien in Chat Noir, Adrien didn't see it.

Even if Marinette is Ladybug or Ladybug is Marinette, to Adrien, Ladybug isn't Marinette.

To Adrien, Ladybug is a human being he's deemed as a goddess even if he doesn't know her civilian identity, and Marinette finds it sad because she's there.

Ladybug is right _there_ –

She's close to him, just sitting behind him during class; walking alongside him, Alya, and Nino; speaking to him with small hints of her feelings for him in each word she's ever uttered to him while he looks away and sighs to himself, hoping he could look into those bluebell eyes of hers again.

–but he doesn't know.

Adrien doesn't dare to look behind him to see those outstandingly beautiful bluebell eyes he had been longing to stare at.

All while loving her masked self, he rejects the girl behind the mask.


End file.
